We are clouds too

Just as we are in zazen

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I feel zazen can and should be adapted for anyone who would like to practice it. For neurodivergent folks like myself, this presents a problem that often needs a custom solution. Neurodiversity presents in many ways, though we tend to cluster people together under names like ADHD according to their presentation.

I am not a Zen teacher, and sometimes I am more of a fellow traveller with thoughts to exchange. So I invite you to take my thoughts with grains of salt as necessary. I think I know enough to say this. You, a conscious being, can do this. The Dharma is written on all of us, on every perception and thought, how could we miss it? That’s the luminous secret that rings out like a bell. Always ringing. Resonating in our very bones. Do you hear it?

But first, before getting to the adaptations, let us spend some time being clear about something fundamental. That your attempts at zazen without adjustments were just as worthy as those made with adjustments, and vice versa. If we come to practice with Right Intention (that is, simply doing it with sincerity in doing what we can and openness to what it will bring), it is ok, our practice has already been perfected for us.

Zazen without making necessary adaptations can lead to frustration but also feelings of unworthiness. Not being able to do what others (seem to) do without difficulty, despite sincere effort, can be discouraging.

There is good news. In a deep sense, everyone is enlightened. We just need to find a way that allows you to express that. This is important to internalize because problems with sitting are their own kind of koan. If I am enlightened, why is my mind so “unsettled”? Perhaps feeling this discomfort is an aspect of enlightenment, like pouring tea. Are you pouring tea in a storm? Perhaps the storm is the pouring of tea too.

Everyone is welcome at Zen’s table: tea, storms and you. You are all welcome to arrive, stay and leave whenever you want. That is, I think, the heart of meditation. We don’t begrudge clouds for coming, staying or going. It is the same with being unsettled, it is not a problem. We acknowledge that it can hurt and feel really demoralizing. In that sense, it can certainly be a problem and you deserve a helping hand. But we also have to acknowledge that this does not touch our “worth” in the deepest sense. Clouds, many shapes, one sky.

What does this all mean? Who would say such things? Why would they? Explore this well, your discomfort also points to the full moon. The moon dangles a paradox before you, a raft to carry you across stormy seas. Just don’t cling to your discomfort either. Getting help is healthy. This has everything to do with us finding enlightenment in everyday mind, your everyday mind. Realize that even worry is everyday mind. You will find worry recedes from your mind more easily of its own accord, a cow going over the hill to graze.

There is nothing to Zen. It is the work of a lifetime.

Now lasts a lifetime.

Your clear forest pool

oh ancient pond
a frog leaps in
the sound of water

– Matsuo Basho

I have decided to organize this page by adaptation, describing each as well as examples of conditions that benefit from them.

The idea is to treat this as a shopping list. Use your intuition, think whether it looks like an adaptation that might help you, and experiment with it. You know your strengths and weaknesses. Some zendos now do special sitting times for people who need adjusted zazen.

With the right intention and making reasonable choices, zazen should become more accessible for you. Think about it as making a few comforting adjustments around your pond. The pond is still what it is, you have only adjust a feature here and there. The strange and wonderful creatures that surround it will welcome you for it.

If none of these adaptations help, a Zen teacher could help you with this. They can evaluate where you are in your journey and what you need going forward. If they can’t, another teacher might, but don’t give up on an existing teaching relationship too quickly. That being said, remember, enlightenment is unconditional, if things feel hopeless. Sun-faced Buddha, Moon-faced Buddha. Buddha after all this time, right now.

What shouldn’t change

This is a dangerous statement. What should not change is exactly what will not change. From before the adaptation and after the adaptation. Do you realize this fully? How can you be sure I have catalogued every possible change and have accounted for it? How can I be sure of it?

Part of what I mean here is the point is not to escape discomfort. The point is not to wallow in discomfort. The point is not, once you’ve escaped discomfort, expect your whole life will be without it. It is the same for people who practice non-adapted zazen. The insight you will develop must be both of discomfort and no-discomfort. It should cut through both of these like a sword, leaving them pure as they were. You will know when you see that you carry this treasure with you your entire life.

In the end you are confronted also with only-just-sitting, even if you are not sitting. For example, only-just-walking is only-just-sitting, except there you are, on your feet. Both of these are everyday mind, making coffee is the deepest zazen. Let your mind settle by itself, your worries, your hopes that this will help you, your discomforts, all grazing. They will come and go. You will come and go. This is the peace of the Buddha.

What should change

Zazen is not about too much discomfort, not about too much comfort. It is a balance. The average Zen practitioner has some discomfort during sitting, these are just like the wall they are staring at.

But, if you have enough discomfort that it is negatively affecting your practice, then we need to address it. I know for myself that practice can be many things, even as many as we do during the day.

For neurodivergent people we typically talk about at least the following kinds of problem:

• Intrusive thoughts
• Intrusive sensations
• Distorted perceptions
• Reactions to dropped off mind

The list

Shorted sitting times

Walking meditation

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